MOTHERHOOD - Rewards and Punishments

NEW REWARD SYSTEM 

I know I know you're thinking most reward systems fail, and who knows this one might. Let me tell you why I like this one and why it is less likely to fail...

...but first what to do...

Each of my kids got a clear glass jar. It is important that the jars are clear or clear colored so the kids can actually see what in them. Next I got each of my kids a bag of marbles (102 each), you can use something other than marbles, but I like these and they were only $1.50/bag and the jars were $1 all at my local Dollar Store.

To earn a marble they have to do something nice WITHOUT being asked by an adult. This is great because it could be something they do, say, or behavior. If my son cleans his room without me asking he gets a marble. If my daughter helps her little sisters pick so something she can't she would earn a marble, or my youngest can go into a store without asking me for something (normally she asks AND cries when she doesn't get her way) she would get a marble. As you can see there's LOTS of way the kids can earn marbles. 

When I introduced this to my kids they LOVED it. They immediately started to do things to help around the house even if they didn't get a marble. My son cleaned his room without any trouble and since I had already asked him to do so, he didn't get a marble, but he didn't mind. Now he did get one for making his bed, since I didn't ask him to and I don't always make that apart of cleaning their room. He also, folded the laundry, did the after dinner dishes, made my bed for me, took out the kitchen trash and more! He got 7 marbles on his first night (shown below).

When the jar is completely full of all 102 marbles that kid gets a reward. This time around I didn't do monetary rewards. I will add to the list as I think of new ideas or as they get older. 

Ok now why this works compared to other reward systems. 

First of all the marbles, these are great because of course you can re-use them! Unlike sticker charts you have to always have stickers on hand and maybe one day you run out and well that's it, somehow the sticker chart dwindles. 

Second, the clear glass jars well I think this is mostly common sense, just like any reward system the kids want to see their progress!

Third, you can't take their marbles away for being bad. They were good, they earned that marble you can't take that positive thing away from them. Although my kids are fully aware that in extreme cases of terrible behavior they will have to dump all of their marbles out and start from scratch, absolute bad behavior will just not be rewarded. Hopefully it never comes to this, and I do not think it will (they aren't teenagers yet lol).

Fourth, the reward system isn't monetary. This is so important because kids shouldn't expect us to buy things for them or give them  money. On top of that when we have reward systems that are monetary how often do we not have the money to give to them? How often do we forget to take them out for that special treat? Or to buy that special toy? Life gets in the way, you get backed up and it just never happens, so the kids stop caring and eventually so do you. Then the whole reward system goes down the drain. With this reward system the kids have something they don't usually get to look forward to. My kids don't get dessert on school nights, they have an 8 o'clock bed time and well with three kids it can be difficult to have one-on-one time, so right now that it their rewards if their jar gets filled. Apparently dessert on a school night tends to be popular, but hey if they earn it they get it. These rewards are so easy for me to give to them, it doesn't cost any money and they kids get something special, they earned for great behavior and helping others. 

If this system fails it would only be because you give up. Keep motivating your kids to help you around the house and help each other (if they have siblings). If they come home with some praise from school for helping another student give them a marble. This is so easy to do for all mothers and I highly suggest it. 

***IF YOU HAVE ANY REWARD SYSTEM SUCCESS STORIES PLEASE SHARE THEM BELOW, I'D LOVE TO HEAR AND I'M SURE OTHER WOULD TOO***

CONSEQUENCE CHART

Now if you read the above (or not) you still know there has to be consequences to negative behavior. Remember it's a consequence, not a punishment, at least that's what my kids doctor says. 

So I bought a big white foam core board, since it's more sturdy and on the right side wrote things they do that they KNOW they are not suppose to do. These are items that occur constantly at home and are constantly being broken. Don't bother with smaller things that are rare, you will of course still have punishments for things not on the chart. This chart is only for things that have been repeated too many time. If it is on the chart there will no longer be warnings for it, if you do it, you automatically get the consequence on the right. 

For example if they run in the house they get 5 minutes in their room, playing on the couch (climbing, jumping and such) is 10 minutes in their room. Now at the very bottom on the left I put something for excessive bad behavior. If a child is consistently breaking the rules on this within a week they get a more severe consequence, in our case its to clean up the dog poo in the backyard. Make sure the consequence is reasonable to the "crime" and choose rules to accommodate your home and children (although I know us parents probably have very similar rules).

Thanks all for reading and I hope this helps in your home!

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